Mana
Gardening

It was a tough first couple of weeks for me in Hawaii (read Part I of this blog here). As I saw our old house, the restaurants, the trails and the beaches, I cried lots of tears in remembrance of the deep pain experienced when my marriage ended and our family dynamics shifted 6 years ago.

I had not been excited for this trip to Hawaii. In actuality, I love Hawaii, yet the fact that I experienced the deepest pain of my life there, created a sense of sadness for me when I thought of the beautiful place. Hence I had not returned since divorcing. It had been 6 years since I stepped foot on this island.

As I felt all those emotions coming back up the first weeks in Hawaii, I sensed I was releasing yet another level of pain.

Healing appears to me to be a spiral and as we move along, some things come circling back with a slightly different twist as they come around again and again to complete the cycle of healing.

Interestingly, as described in part I of this blog, that phase completed and I felt a sense of healing, momentum and joy! That was a tremendous makana (gift in Hawaiian).

Hawaii had more gifts for me as they continued to be revealed.

My kids came to Hawaii. I met them the day they arrived with their dad and we all went to Kalama beach park where we used to play when we all lived here. We all immediately ran for and played in the ocean together. It was a beautiful little family reunion of happiness.

Feeling immensely grateful for having the time and space before they arrived to release that pain, I felt positive and joyous in the family fun and excitement of that evening.

Then my kids and I got to spend an entire week together in paradise.

We went to Kawela Bay, the place where we spent my daughter’s first week of life. We rented a house right after she was born with family as we all shared in taking care of her and taking care of me. It was an absolutely gorgeous, nurturing environment to be a new mom.

What’s funny is I didn’t even realize that’s where we were going that day. We decided to try a new trail and it led straight to Kawela Bay. I was completely amazed upon arriving thinking, Oh my gosh, this is where my daughter spent her first week of life and here she is 13 years later walking this beach as a beautiful young woman.

Hardly anyone was around and it was a beautiful day on that beach.  We swam, ran, played, had contests, checked out the crabs… what a gift.

We visited friends we had not seen in a very long time and reconnected (more gifts).

I realized I had phenomenal friends, amazing people who loved me deeply and supported me during the divorce. And still do. I realized the gifts of friendships that were still there! Still resounding, still solid. I am supported and loved by so many. I pray I never again feel alone because I can at once remember my loving supportive network of beautiful souls in Hawaii and elsewhere.

One day while hiking I stopped and climbed into a Banyan tree and started Mana Gardening and meditating. I received a message, another amazing gift from Hawaii as I heard these words: Remember, this is where it all began.

I knew exactly what that meant. You see, while going through divorce, I hiked a lot because nature nurtured me and allowed me to feel more ease in my world.

Trees specifically were immensely powerful for me during that time. I meditated next to trees or while sitting on trees. I  almost always felt some kind of energetic transmission, as if the trees were taking something from me. I remember those days thinking, What on Earth would they be taking from me? My inner garden revealed that the trees were taking away my pain.

What a gift.

They loved me and took my pain away. I always, without fail, left the forest feeling lighter and more capable of handling the situation at hand.

While sitting in the Banyan tree, I was reminded that this relationship (if you will), with trees started in Hawaii. I felt graced as I remembered this wholeheartedly as true. The ‘Aina had spoken to me once again. I felt how loved I am by the ‘Aina. Another immense gift.

Gifts also included the amazing situation that my dear friend Keti set up for me. Her family and friends were welcoming and happy to have me around. They made me feel like part of the Ohana and like an important part of their world. Keti let me drive her car around for over a month while she got a ride to work with her dear friend who lived up the street. She, time and time again, made accommodations to make it easy for me to be there.

Also a friend from Asheville joined me in Hawaii for about 9 days. This is when I actually took time off from the work I felt like I should do and allowed myself to be on vacation. He and I adventured daily on big hikes, little hikes, snorkeling in calm water, snorkeling in turbulent water (we could have totally gotten eaten by the ocean that day! Happy to be alive! Yet another gift that we are both still here!), jumping off waterfalls, jumping off the giant rock into Waimea bay, checking out the vast differences in flora and fauna from what we see back home, meditating in nature, eating amazing Hawaiian and Asian food, dancing, watching sunsets over the Waianae coast and on the North Shore, surfing and playing in the waves, and checking out the Buddhist temples. We got along great and explored so much together totally as friends. I am forever grateful for his presence with that week because otherwise I would have felt like I should be working and would not have allowed myself to have so many beautiful explorations and connections with the ‘Aina, the spirit of the land of Hawaii.

I was truly amazed at all the Aloha this land was freely giving to me. I am so happy that I was aware enough to notice it and give my appreciation back!

Many Blessings and Warm Aloha on your Journey!

…To be continued in Part III– The Final Gift from Soul, where I share my prayer to the ‘Aina of Hawaii for its innumerable makana (gifts in Hawaiian).

Ps. I am incredibly blessed to have been given this gift of Mana Gardening.  Get the book and try it for yourself. It is an easy, fast and fun way to connect to the infinite wisdom that lies within. You’ll feel yourself as empowered to live and love. If books aren’t your thing, try a class or set up a series of sessions with me or Keti. We will be doing podcasts shortly and hope to have an audio book out soon as well. Our mission is to serve our fellow souls, so reach out if you are called.

More gifts awaited on my last day in Hawaii. I woke up super early, meditated, and got out of the house for some Soul time. On the way I took some sunrise photos, and told my Soul to guide me where to go. In my mind, I was headed for a couple of different waterfall hikes I thought my Soul would like…

While passing the entrance to the first waterfall trailhead, I felt no impetus to turn that way, so continued on towards the second one.

Then I accidentally went the wrong way, the long way.

Or did I?

Instead of turning around, I just continued going the long way. About a half mile later I knew where my Soul was taking me.

Not to the waterfall, but to the Friendship garden, a super special place for me. I burst into tears upon realizing that my Soul is truly driving, even when I don’t think it is. And I was crying because of the significance of coming full circle yet again in Hawaii. There are so many levels to the healing and releasing I experienced here this summer.

I must have hiked this trail a hundred times when I lived here. This hike was instrumental in me becoming so attuned to the healing nature and connection of trees while I was going through the ending of my marriage, as described in Part I and Part II of this blog.

THIS is the place where the trees first took my pain from me, and they did that for me time and time again.

I got to BE there, with them again and it felt like a blissful reunion. Having released so much, this felt like coming home, coming full circle with healing my past and creating a fresh perspective of love and reverence for the ‘Aina of Hawaii.

For this, and all the immense makana I received from the ‘Aina during this incredible journey, I give great thanks and offer this prayer of appreciation to the ‘Aina of Hawaii:

Dear ‘Aina:

I feel blessed, I feel nurtured, I feel whole, I feel complete. I feel like you helped me release Oh so much and allowed me to receive closure on things I had no idea that I needed closure on.

I came full circle on healing my past and with the pain of resisting one of the greatest gifts of my life. I now truly see it as an immense blessing and gift from Hawaii.

Hawaii you gave me my kids, you gave me freedom, you gave me dear, amazing, supportive souls along the way who are my life-long friends and family, you gave me healing, relationship and ecstasy with trees, you gave me the priceless gift of Mana Gardening, and the mission to share this amazing work with the world!!

For this I bow in appreciation and reverence. My heart acknowledges your gifts, your love, your Aloha, and your support. I am eternally grateful for these gifts, for this trip, for this journey of soul realignment and release of what no longer serves me, and for all the doors that are now open!! The doors to being more of my true self, to opening to a new and powerful relationship, to sharing Mana Gardening widely and doing biomedical research on the techniques, the doors that are swinging wide open to bring me more and more of all things good.

Graciously accept my sincere, heartfelt appreciation and please continue to assist me in aligning with the highest version of myself in ALL that I AM and in ALL that I DO. I am with you and you are with me, always.

Aloha nui loa and Mahalo nui loa Dear Aloha ‘Aina.
May your Love and Light continue to Bless me, and others through me, and indeed all.

Many Blessings and Warm Aloha on your Journey!

To get yourself or a loved one the priceless gift of Mana Gardening, order the book and try it for yourself. Research already shows effectiveness of these techniques (in the Prologue)! Mana Gardening is an easy, fast and fun way to connect to the infinite wisdom that lies within. You’ll feel empowered to live and love. If books aren’t your thing, try a class or set up a series of sessions with me or Keti. We will be doing podcasts shortly and hope to have an audio book out soon as well. Our mission is to serve our fellow souls, so reach out if you are called. We love sharing Mana Gardening with businesses, retreats, at festivals and gatherings, workshops and more.

It was a no-brainer…I booked myself a ticket to Hawaii for the summer in response to a temporary job offer.

My dear friend and coauthor, Keti, had it all set up:

• a place to stay in exchange for weeding the garden,
• a car to drive,
• opportunities to sell our book at a popular hotel,
• and much more.

The details confirming the  job still weren’t completely settled before my flight took off. I found myself in my inner garden asking about this trip and if I should still go. I heard, “Yes.” So I put myself in a place of trusting that this job would work out and my expenses for airfare, food, and such while in Hawaii would be recouped and I would come home with extra cash. I went to Hawaii on faith from inner garden wisdom.

When I arrived, I was informed the job offer had vaporized.

No job.

Not to worry though, I still had faith that I was in Hawaii for a good reason even though I didn’t know what that was. My faith was strong. I am a believer in creating my own reality and I’ve been practicing this idea of not minding what happens (written by Jiddu Krishnamurti), strengthening my resolve to keep the faith and to trust what is (and not resist what is).

I had lived in Hawaii for eight years, started my family there, was married and divorced there. It is the place where Mana Gardening was born. This trip was the first time back after the divorce was finalized six years ago.

Interestingly, even though I felt grateful for the accommodations and car and opportunities, I was not super excited about this trip. In fact, I felt neutral to slightly off, which is odd because Hawaii is so incredibly beautiful and normally I would be thrilled to go to Hawaii!

Then I found out why I had not felt excited like I thought I should. 

The night of my arrival in Hawaii, I found myself in the same room where I stayed when my husband and I were separated, at Keti’s house.  As soon as I stepped foot into that room, I felt uneasy about it. I decided to focus on being grateful, rather than acknowledging the uneasiness.

The next morning while sitting on her porch looking out over the gorgeous jagged peaks of the  Ko’olau mountain range, there was no denying the feelings that came up. I remembered all the pain I had experienced, all the tears, the rejection, the disappointment I had experienced several years prior. Tears started flowing and I allowed them to do just that, not resisting them in any way.

After a few minutes of crying, the emotions suddenly subsided. A light rain fell and shortly afterwards a rainbow appeared to welcome me back to the island. My emotions quickly shifted from sadness back to gratefulness as I witnessed the beauty surrounding me.

This place, this island in Hawaii is where much began for me. My marriage began here overlooking the gorgeous Kaneohe Bay, both my kids were made and born here. This is also the place where I experienced the deepest pain of my life as I went through the divorce. This is where I opened up to Kirtan as a melodic, devotional and prayerful way to let go of the darkness and focus on the light.

This is where the priceless makana (gift in Hawaiian) of Mana Gardening came to me. This is where I was introduced, by Master Shen, to the native Hawaiian method of using the inner garden as a place of respite, relaxation, creation and as a way to access my inner guidance for the first time ever. Now I am back in Hawaii at the same exact places where all my pain was felt so deeply.

The next day, I had an interview at a temp agency. Ironically enough, the temp agency was in the same building as the biotech company I had worked for when I lived here 6 years ago. Just seeing that place brought up a whole slew of emotions as I remembered all the times I went down the elevator holding back tears until I got in my car and could let them flow in private. I don’t know how many times I went into that parking garage and locked myself in my car and just cried about losing my idea of family. Those emotions came pouring forth once again as tears welled up and flowed down  my face.

The next morning at 6 AM, while driving towards the north shore to go surfing I had to ask myself Why on Earth am I not happy?

I felt there were plenty of reasons to be incredibly happy, yet there was sadness in the background.  I could not find my joy.

Suddenly I remembered all the times I drove to the north shore to go surfing by myself when in actuality all I had wanted was a family beach day where we all ride to the north shore together, parents take turns surfing, we have a picnic and everyone gets to enjoy their day and be together playing in the waves and digging holes in the sand and such. That was something I very rarely got to experience.

I stopped on the side of the road and felt those emotions for little while. Then I closed my eyes for a moment and entered my inner garden to give myself some peace. I asked myself, What do I need to know from this?

The answer that was provided to me was so beautiful, and so valuable, as always.

My inner wisdom said, Notice all the love.

I realized I had been feeling the pain, the sadness and the the weight of all of the things I dreamed about that never happened. Yet if I take the time to notice all the love, I can start to change my vibration and come to a place that feels happier and more in alignment with my true nature (which is love).

Because pain and love stand side-by-side, if we experience emotional pain, it is because we love so deeply.

I then focused on how much I loved my family and how I didn’t take my pain out on them during those years. I would never have experienced so much pain if I had not love so much.

I focused on how Mana Gardening was the answer to my prayers for tapping into inner wisdom and receiving guidance for my life. I could never have navigated divorce and all those decisions without Mana Gardening. I would have allowed others’ ideas to influence my decisions, not knowing what it was I truly wanted. I was able to make those important decisions in the best interest of myself and my family. I was able to give myself love and nurturing through the divorce with Mana Gardening. I felt deeply thankful for this gift in my life and for the opportunity to share it far and wide (through our book, workshops, trainings, etc).

I was grateful for Kirtan and my Fire Tribe Hawaii friends who I experienced deep connections with time after time. Grateful for friends, for Master Shen, for the ‘Aina of Hawaii and the mana I get to experience daily in my life. Grateful for the lifestyle I now have where I get to be full-on parent, then a parent with free time! (50/50 custody is what the inner garden revealed was my happiest option when navigating the divorce proceedings, and that is what I have and enjoy to the hilt!)  Appreciative of the stunning beauty that surrounded me. This land, this ‘Aina is my friend, my very dear friend.

With this I felt I had come full circle. As if the cycle had come to its completion. From deep grief, sadness and pain back to LOVE, VALUE and APPRECIATION.

Time and time again, and without fail, the inner garden guides us all to focus on positivity, offering us a way to love ourselves continuously, and see our value and worth.

I am incredibly blessed to have been given this gift of Mana Gardening.  Get the book and try it for yourself. It is an easy, fast and fun way to connect to the infinite wisdom that lies within. You’ll feel yourself as empowered to live and love. If books aren’t your thing, try a class or set up a series of sessions with me or Keti. We will be doing podcasts shortly and hope to have an audio book out soon as well. Our mission is to serve our fellow Earthlings, so reach out if you are called.

Many Blessings and Warm Aloha on your Journey!

…To be continued in Parts II and III